Relationship

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 16 Issue 5 – Relationship Balance


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Finding Relational Balance


Relational balance falters when one person needs the other to feel safe or whole. A parent in a strained marriage or carrying childhood wounds may lean on a child for comfort. The child, loyal and loving, tries to meet that need. Over time, this can harden into dysfunction.

Years ago, I cared for a mother and son locked in a budding enmeshed relationship. She could not draw boundaries. She absorbed his pain, projected her own trauma onto him, and smothered him with anxious love and control. She tightly managed his world yet set no limits on how he treated her or others. By four, he was out of control. She was exhausted and indignant, insisting he was sweet while enabling every behavior. Her fear of becoming her own restrictive parents left him both fused to her and furious. Therapy was suggested. It was rejected….

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 16 Issue 4 – Relationships

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Literature Review:

A) “Establishment of the gut microbiome during early life is a complex process with lasting implications for an individual’s health. Several factors influence microbial assembly; however, breast-feeding is recognized as one of the most influential drivers of gut microbiome composition during infancy, with potential implications for function. Differences in gut microbial communities between breast-fed and formula-fed infants have been consistently observed and are hypothesized to partially mediate the relationships between breast-feeding and decreased risk for numerous communicable and noncommunicable diseases in early life. Despite decades of research on the gut microbiome of breast-fed infants, there are large scientific gaps in understanding how human milk has evolved to support microbial and immune development.” (Davis et. al. 2022)

Main Takeaways:

First 1000 days matter a lot for microbial and immune development: Infancy is a critical window when the gut microbiome is assembled and the immune system is learning to respond to microbes and external exposures. Patterns set early can ripple into infection risk, inflammatory diseases, and atopy later in life.

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #69 Repost – Stephen Porges, Ph.D. – Polyvagal Theory


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This week I sit down with Dr. Stephen Porges, a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University where he is the founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium. He is Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland.

He served as president of the Society for Psychophysiological Research and the Federation of Associations in Behavioral & Brain Sciences and is a former recipient of a National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Development Award. He has published more than 400 peer-reviewed papers across several disciplines including anesthesiology, biomedical engineering, critical care medicine, ergonomics, exercise physiology, gerontology, neurology, neuroscience, obstetrics, pediatrics, psychiatry, psychology, psychometrics, space medicine, and substance abuse. In 1994 he proposed the Polyvagal Theory, a theory that links the evolution of the mammalian autonomic nervous system to social behavior and emphasizes the importance of physiological state in the expression of behavioral problems and psychiatric disorders. The theory is leading to innovative treatments based on insights into the mechanisms mediating symptoms observed in several behavioral, psychiatric, and physical disorders.
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He is the author of multiple books on his Polyvagal Theory: including the Neurophysiological foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation, as well as Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. His newest book cowritten with his son is called Our Polyvagal World, How Safety and Trauma Change Us. Dr. Porges is the creator of a music-based intervention, the Safe and Sound Protocol ™ (SSP), which is used by therapists to improve social engagement, language processing, and state regulation, as well as to reduce hearing sensitivities.

This is such a fascinating conversation. He brings the worlds of psychiatry and anthropological physiology into union for us to understand the why of trauma reactions and the future unwinding that is now possible. This is a must listen to conversation if you know anyone with trauma history.

Please enjoy my conversation with Professor Porges,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #88 – Michael Collins – Sugar Addiction

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Today we’re tackling a topic that hits close to home for so many of us, sugar addiction and its impact on our kids and ourselves.

We’ve got an incredible guest joining us: Michael Collins, the author of The Last Resort Sugar Detox Guide: Learn How To Quickly and Easily Detox from Sugar and Stop Cravings Completely. Michael is a former sugar addict who’s been sugar-free for over 30 years, and he’s helped thousands break free from sugar’s grip through his work as the founder of SugarAddiction.com. He’s also raised two children sugar-free from the womb to age six—a feat that’s as inspiring as it is eye-opening. In this episode, Michael will share his journey, the science behind sugar’s addictive pull, and practical strategies to detox for good, especially for families navigating the modern food landscape. Whether you’re a parent worried about your child’s sugar intake or someone struggling with cravings yourself, you won’t want to miss this.

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 14 Issue 48

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Holidays and Connection

The Christmas and winter holiday season is a unique time to sit back reflect on the past year. To behold the timeless beauty of life. The shared time offers us an opportunity to pause and connect with those who matter or should matter most in our lives. I love the bathroom plaque that says at the end of life it won’t matter what you owned or what you knew, but rather the impact you had in a child’s life. Fortunately, for us, the holidays bring a chance to foster authentic human connections. To actually sit in conspiracy together. These moments are more than just traditions, they are essential for our emotional, mental, and even physical health. In the hustle of modern existence, where schedules dominate and technology often mediates relationships, we are losing this skill set, especially for the younger generations, making it more important to stay focused now.

Let us define human connection: Human connection is the act or feeling of being seen, heard, cared for and valued by another person or group. It is a most primary need for humans starting in infancy when a child needs a mother’s touch and milk. It arises from the countless meaningful interactions that foster mutual understanding, trust, empathy, and shared emotional experiences that ultimately lead to a child’s feeling of safety. The critical time period to establish attachment and connection is the first 2 to 3 years of life. Plus a section of literature review and a recipe of the week.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 43

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Finding a relational balance with any person or persons can be a struggle if one side of the relationship dyad has a strong need for a gain to feel safe or whole. For example, a parent in a poor quality marriage or with significant childhood wounding may turn to the child for happiness and love when it is missing otherwise. A child in turn being young will often, out of filial love, try to meet the needs of the parent. These types of relationships can take on many forms and can become dysfunctional over time.

I remember a parent child dyad from many years ago that was a budding enmeshed/codependent relationship between a mother and her son. Mom was absolutely unable to draw boundaries with her son as she felt all of his pain and reflected all of her childhood trauma onto the child’s life with boundary-less smothering love and control. She simultaneously would restrict any behavior that she perceived as unsafe controlling his environment while drawing zero boundaries with regard to his behavior toward her and others within this controlled small world. He was a holy terror by 4 years of age. His mother was crying for help while being indignant that he was sweet and well meaning while she enabled every choice that he made. Her fear of drawing boundaries because of her own childhood restrictive parenting wounding left this child completely attached to her yet abusive because he felt completely out of control. The psychological pathology was exhausting for all in the room. Recommendations for therapy and interventions were met with scorn….plus a literature review.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 38

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Section I

Are Smart Phones a benefit or a curse for the teenager in school? This is becoming a huge topic this past year or so. Logic would seem to dictate that this is a curse more than a benefit, but what does the data and expert opinion show?

The Scientific American article “Do Phone Bans Help Students Perform Better in School?” examines the growing trend of banning smartphones in schools to enhance student performance and well-being. Numerous U.S. cities, including New York and Los Angeles, have recently implemented or are considering bans on phones in classrooms. Schools use tools like the Yondr pouch, which locks phones away during school hours, to enforce these bans. These measures are popular with educators and parents, with 60% of likely voters in New York State supporting such restrictions. Charlotte Schools has this policy: “In accordance with Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools Student Code of Conduct, personal technology devices, including cell phones must remain off and put away during school hours. Violations will result in confiscation of the personal technology device. The district is not responsible (monetary value or replacement) for theft, loss or damage to personal technology or other electronic devices brought onto CMS property.” (CMS) My informal poll has a higher number of parents interested in phone ban restrictions in North Carolina….plus a section on teen anxiety.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

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