Practical Parenting

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 43

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Finding a relational balance with any person or persons can be a struggle if one side of the relationship dyad has a strong need for a gain to feel safe or whole. For example, a parent in a poor quality marriage or with significant childhood wounding may turn to the child for happiness and love when it is missing otherwise. A child in turn being young will often, out of filial love, try to meet the needs of the parent. These types of relationships can take on many forms and can become dysfunctional over time.

I remember a parent child dyad from many years ago that was a budding enmeshed/codependent relationship between a mother and her son. Mom was absolutely unable to draw boundaries with her son as she felt all of his pain and reflected all of her childhood trauma onto the child’s life with boundary-less smothering love and control. She simultaneously would restrict any behavior that she perceived as unsafe controlling his environment while drawing zero boundaries with regard to his behavior toward her and others within this controlled small world. He was a holy terror by 4 years of age. His mother was crying for help while being indignant that he was sweet and well meaning while she enabled every choice that he made. Her fear of drawing boundaries because of her own childhood restrictive parenting wounding left this child completely attached to her yet abusive because he felt completely out of control. The psychological pathology was exhausting for all in the room. Recommendations for therapy and interventions were met with scorn….plus a literature review.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 16

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Teenagers and tweens are a challenge to any parent as they embark on their identity development. These are years filled with angst, joy, love and pain, as our kids develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. As we attempt to guide but not control, we struggle watching them make and maybe repeat obvious mistakes. We, so dearly, want them to make the right choices (in our mind) and respect their bodies.
What can we do to help?
Dictating to teens will never work. They are more likely to sabotage their own lives in order to prove that they are in control. The tighter parents squeeze, the more the adolescent rebels.

I think of this stage of parenting as motivational interviewing…. and a literature review.

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #69 – Stephen Porges, Ph.D. – Polyvagal Theory

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This week I sit down with Dr. Stephen Porges,
He is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University where he is the founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium. He is Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland.
He served as president of the Society for Psychophysiological Research and the Federation of Associations in Behavioral & Brain Sciences and is a former recipient of a National Institute of Mental Health Research Scientist Development Award. He has published more than 400 peer-reviewed papers across several disciplines including anesthesiology, biomedical engineering, critical care medicine, ergonomics, exercise physiology, gerontology, neurology, neuroscience, obstetrics, pediatrics, psychiatry, psychology, psychometrics, space medicine, and substance abuse. In 1994 he proposed the Polyvagal Theory, a theory that links the evolution of the mammalian autonomic nervous system to social behavior and emphasizes the importance of physiological state in the expression of behavioral problems and psychiatric disorders. The theory is leading to innovative treatments based on insights into the mechanisms mediating symptoms observed in several behavioral, psychiatric, and physical disorders.
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He is the author of multiple books on his Polyvagal Theory: including the Neurophysiological foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation, as well as Polyvagal Safety: Attachment, Communication, Self-Regulation. His newest book cowritten with his son is called Our Polyvagal World, How Safety and Trauma Change Us. Dr. Porges is the creator of a music-based intervention, the Safe and Sound Protocol ™ (SSP), which is used by therapists to improve social engagement, language processing, and state regulation, as well as to reduce hearing sensitivities.
This is such a fascinating conversation. He brings the worlds of psychiatry and anthropological physiology into union for us to understand the why of trauma reactions and the future unwinding that is now possible. This is a must listen to conversation if you know anyone with trauma history.
Please enjoy my conversation with Professor Porges,
Dr. M
His recent paper in Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience
Website for Dr. Porges
Newest Book – Our Polyvagal World

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 13

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To Forgive
The act as defined as I see it – to release consciously another person from your negative feelings based on an event that was hurtful toward you from them whether it is perceived on your part or known by both parties.
What I find fascinating is that often the act of forgiveness may have to push past an unconscious threat injury in order to take root. This is to say that we can be harmed at a conscious and an unconscious level. The unconscious harm is understood at the vagal nerve level which is a primitive emotional safety response state that all mammals have that developed a long time ago. This is the essence of polyvagal theory which states that when humans feel safe, their nervous system supports the homeostatic functions of health, growth and restoration, while simultaneously become accessible to others without feeling or expressing threat and vulnerability. (Porges S. 2022) Thus, the opposite exists, when humans are threatened, their nervous system supports a break in homeostasis that can be short lived or long persistent based on the severity and chronicity of the harm. This break can lead to persistent mental and physical health challenges….. and a section on sleep followed by the recipe of the week.
Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 3

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Resolutions? Do we need them?
The simple answer for me is this – if it causes beneficial change, then yes we need them. Ideally, change should occur real time as the need or knowledge of benefit becomes apparent.
New Years is traditionally a time that we introspect and set new goals for a better life. What that means to each one of us is as varied as the plants that exist, save for human health. We all WANT to be healthy. We all WANT to be happy. The impediment to being is not changing…..plus audience questions answered and a recipe of the week.
Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 13 Issue 50

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Literature Review
1) Pericytes are critical cells that sit around the tiny blood vessels called capillaries of the body especially in the brain. They are involved in regulating blood vessel activity. They communicate directly with the endothelial cells making them super important in the activity of the blood vessel and metabolism at the local tissue interface. From the journal Cell Death and Disease we see: “Crosstalk mechanisms….And some other discussions on Cancer detection at physicals as well as the recipe of the week.
Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 13 Issue 47

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Covid 19 Post Mortem
As you all know, after reading countless articles that I have posted about COVID and the policies that were put in place by “well meaning” bureaucrats, I have been highly critical of the events that took place and the US Government’s failure on so many fronts. There are two seminal articles that have been written on these topics to date: 1) COVID-19 Origins: Investigating a “Complex and Grave Situation” Inside a Wuhan Lab, 2) COVID Lockdowns Were a Giant Experiment. It Was a Failure. A key lesson of the pandemic. 3) The third and equally critical article that remains unpublished is the story of the Standard American Diet and its direct connection to death from Covid…..also conversations on picky eaters and a recipe of the week.
Enjoy, Dr. M

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