Tag Archives: relationship

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #111: Duey Freeman, MA – Attachment


Welcome back to Dr. M’s Women and Children First. Today’s conversation moves into one of the deepest layers of human development: attachment, relationship, and the way early experiences shape the architecture of our emotional lives.

My guest today is Duey Freeman, a licensed therapist, teacher, mentor, and internationally respected voice in attachment theory, human development, and relational psychology. Duey has spent decades teaching therapists, graduate students, and helping professionals around the world, developing a practical framework for understanding how connection, or the absence of it, shapes the nervous system, identity, and the capacity for intimacy.

He has logged nearly 80,000 direct clinical hours and co-founded both the Gestalt Equine Institute and the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies.

What makes Duey’s work unique, and it is unique, is that he does not approach attachment as a sterile academic theory. He approaches it as lived human experience. His work centers on a simple but profound truth: what is injured in relationship is often only healed in relationship.

In this episode, we explore how attachment patterns emerge in childhood, how they quietly shape adult relationships, parenting, stress physiology, and even our sense of safety in the world. We discuss the roots of attachment theory through the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, and we move into modern concepts involving trauma, nervous system regulation, emotional attunement, and relational repair.

We also touch on an uncomfortable reality in modern culture: many people are surrounded by communication yet starving for authentic connection. Children especially do not simply need instruction or behavioral management. They need co-regulation, attunement, eye contact, emotional presence, and secure relational anchors.

This conversation is not just for therapists. It is for parents, physicians, educators, coaches, and anyone trying to understand why humans behave the way they do under stress, conflict, intimacy, or loss.

Duey brings an unusual combination of wisdom, groundedness, tenderness, and clinical depth to this discussion. I have heard him frequently called Yoda, and if you knew him, you would immediately understand and agree with that moniker. You can feel that he has spent a lifetime studying not just psychology, but people.

So sit back and enjoy this remarkable conversation with Duey Freeman on attachment, psychology, and the relational foundations of being human.

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 16 Issue 5 – Relationship Balance


Finding Relational Balance


Relational balance falters when one person needs the other to feel safe or whole. A parent in a strained marriage or carrying childhood wounds may lean on a child for comfort. The child, loyal and loving, tries to meet that need. Over time, this can harden into dysfunction.

Years ago, I cared for a mother and son locked in a budding enmeshed relationship. She could not draw boundaries. She absorbed his pain, projected her own trauma onto him, and smothered him with anxious love and control. She tightly managed his world yet set no limits on how he treated her or others. By four, he was out of control. She was exhausted and indignant, insisting he was sweet while enabling every behavior. Her fear of becoming her own restrictive parents left him both fused to her and furious. Therapy was suggested. It was rejected….

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 14 Issue 48

Holidays and Connection

The Christmas and winter holiday season is a unique time to sit back reflect on the past year. To behold the timeless beauty of life. The shared time offers us an opportunity to pause and connect with those who matter or should matter most in our lives. I love the bathroom plaque that says at the end of life it won’t matter what you owned or what you knew, but rather the impact you had in a child’s life. Fortunately, for us, the holidays bring a chance to foster authentic human connections. To actually sit in conspiracy together. These moments are more than just traditions, they are essential for our emotional, mental, and even physical health. In the hustle of modern existence, where schedules dominate and technology often mediates relationships, we are losing this skill set, especially for the younger generations, making it more important to stay focused now.

Let us define human connection: Human connection is the act or feeling of being seen, heard, cared for and valued by another person or group. It is a most primary need for humans starting in infancy when a child needs a mother’s touch and milk. It arises from the countless meaningful interactions that foster mutual understanding, trust, empathy, and shared emotional experiences that ultimately lead to a child’s feeling of safety. The critical time period to establish attachment and connection is the first 2 to 3 years of life. Plus a section of literature review and a recipe of the week.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 43

Finding a relational balance with any person or persons can be a struggle if one side of the relationship dyad has a strong need for a gain to feel safe or whole. For example, a parent in a poor quality marriage or with significant childhood wounding may turn to the child for happiness and love when it is missing otherwise. A child in turn being young will often, out of filial love, try to meet the needs of the parent. These types of relationships can take on many forms and can become dysfunctional over time.

I remember a parent child dyad from many years ago that was a budding enmeshed/codependent relationship between a mother and her son. Mom was absolutely unable to draw boundaries with her son as she felt all of his pain and reflected all of her childhood trauma onto the child’s life with boundary-less smothering love and control. She simultaneously would restrict any behavior that she perceived as unsafe controlling his environment while drawing zero boundaries with regard to his behavior toward her and others within this controlled small world. He was a holy terror by 4 years of age. His mother was crying for help while being indignant that he was sweet and well meaning while she enabled every choice that he made. Her fear of drawing boundaries because of her own childhood restrictive parenting wounding left this child completely attached to her yet abusive because he felt completely out of control. The psychological pathology was exhausting for all in the room. Recommendations for therapy and interventions were met with scorn….plus a literature review.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #44 – Blake Chalfant – A Young Man’s Journey

This weeks guest is special to me as he is my nephew and Godson. In his own words: “I am an active seeker, student of life, and on a mission of helping others remember who they are and their innate self worth. It has been my passion of walking alongside others in their own healing and transformation that has brought me to this work.
I am a currently a nomadic Young Mens coach currently based in South America. I earned my BS in Psychology from The California Institute of Integrative Studies, and have a certification in Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapy. My work with individuals varies greatly depending on who I am working with and what kind of support they are needing, but you can expect Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic Experiencing, compassionate listening, radical self acceptance, and practical tools and exercises in each session.”
We discussed the view of our current society from a young man’s perspective. What is the crisis of “good enough?” What do we really want authentically as young persons? How can parents show up for their kids? And so much more…
https://www.blakechalfant.com
Young Man’s Toolbox Course
Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #37 Jeremy Goldberg – PhD – Words, Relationship and Life

This weeks Guest is Dr. Jeremy Goldberg. He styles himself as a compassion cultivating day making change agent/empathy collecting not quitting word wizard/chief burrito appreciator aspiring to inspire/struggle overcoming ranter in charge/ferocious idealist/never giver upper/a love bombing kindness pirate. What he really does, in my mind, is write and teach the world to project love and kindness where it is not layered enough.

On his website he writes:

My mission is to make kindness cool, empathy popular, and compassion commonplace.  As part of that purpose, I write articles, send emails, host retreats and workshops, give TEDx talks, coach clients, host a podcast, write books, and make spoken word poetry videos.  I am also active on Facebook and Instagram, leading an online tribe of more than 35,000 badass humans. If you want to learn more about me, click here for a short list of my favorite shit on the planet.

My name is Jeremy, I founded Long Distance Love Bombs, and I am fucking stoked to meet you.  Send me an email and let’s get going: LongDistanceLoveBombs at gmail dot com.

We breakdown words, relationship, connection and being happy in a world of silly tribal divisiveness!

This was a super fun conversation to have been a part of!

 

Dr. M

 

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #23 – Duey Freeman – An Uncivilized Journey Part 3

Duey Freeman, MA, LPC is co-founder of the Gestalt Equine Institute of the Rockies, director of the Gestalt Institute of the Rockies and owner of his psychotherapy private practice. After teaching for 24 years at Naropa University he has decided to move in a more creative direction. Most recently and in collaboration with Kimberly Beck M Ed he has created: The Coming Home Project and Relational Rewilding Retreats. 

Duey is a dispenser of wisdom for Men. He is a specialist in relationship and understanding the breakpoints and blindspots that people have to their relational problems. We go through discussions of connecting with others, consequences versus punishments, living in communication and general love.

Enjoy my conversation with Duey Freeman,

Dr. M