Parents

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 16 Issue 1 – Beyond Behaviors Part 3, Mona Delahooke, PhD

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Chapter 3 – Individual Differences

Dr. Delahooke starts Chapter 3 by allowing Margaret Mead to remind us that each child is absolutely unique: “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” This is more than a witty paradox, it is the hinge upon which all effective pediatric care swings. When we take individual differences seriously as neurobiological fact, we can finally stop confusing adaptive survival responses with defiance, stop labeling children as problems, and begin the real work of supporting the mind body systems that shape behavior from the inside out.

Let us review what we have learned in Beyond Behaviors so far – We are invited to descend below the waterline of the behavioral iceberg. What we see at the surface: the tantrum, withdrawal, rigidity, hyperactivity, the refusal to transition is merely a set of observable outputs from deeply personal internal variables. The sensory wiring, physiological states, immune triggers, thoughts, feelings, memories, and the child’s moment-to-moment sense of safety. Without diving into these subterranean layers, we risk treating smoke while ignoring the fire, which is the general state of current pediatric psychiatric medical therapeutics. We mostly treat the smoke. We don’t often ask about the fire. Her central thesis is simple, clinically robust, and profoundly humane:

Children behave according to the state of their nervous system, and their nervous system is shaped by individual biological, emotional, and sensory differences.

Once we understand this, behavior becomes not a moral test but a window into the child’s internal world…..

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 15 Issue 31 – Poly Vagal Theory, Stephen Porges, PhD

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I think that this is an important time to pause and relook at Polyvagal Theory before continuing with Beyond Behaviors.

Polyvagal Theory: Current Status, Clinical Applications, and Future Directions (Porges, S. 2025)

“Social behavior and the capacity to manage challenge are dependent on the neural regulation of physiological state.” S. Porges


When I dove into Stephen Porges’s 2025 review of the Polyvagal Theory (PVT), I felt like I’d stepped into a crossroads where neurobiology, clinical practice, trauma science, and human experience collide. This paper isn’t merely a summary of three decades of work (all of which I have read); it’s a spirited defense of a paradigm that’s been both celebrated (by me) and contested (by others). What follows is an honest appraisal of what the article teaches us, where it sparks real insight, and where it may fall short, especially through the lens of evidence-based medicine and developmental neurophysiology. (I also went deeper into his 2022 paper in Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience for the biophysiology of the ANS)

At its heart, the article argues that the autonomic nervous system (ANS), through a set of hierarchically organized circuits centered on the vagus nerve, is not just a background player in stress and homeostasis, but a core regulator of social engagement, physiological flexibility, and behavior. Dr. Porges situates his theory as an alternative and expansion to classical views that treat sympathetic (fight/flight) and parasympathetic (rest/digest) branches as functional opposites. Instead, he proposes a three-component hierarchy: the ventral vagal complex (VVC) supporting social engagement, a mobilization circuit mediated by the sympathetic nervous system or fight or flight state, and a dorsal vagal circuit that facilitates shutdown or immobilization under extreme threat…..

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 15 Issue 30 – Beyond Behaviors Part 2, Mona Delahooke, PhD

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Review of Chapter 2 of Beyond Behaviors
by Mona Delahooke, PhD


“Social behavior and the capacity to manage challenge are dependent on the neural regulation of physiological state.” S. Porges

Top Down or Bottom Up?

“Before We Respond to Behavior, We Need to Understand Its Origin.”

With a deceptively simple observation, Dr. Delahooke reshapes the entire field of behavioral intervention: children’s actions come from two very different places in the brain. Some behaviors are top-down, intentional, planned, thoughtful. But many, especially the ones adults find most perplexing, arise bottom-up from stress responses generated by the body’s autonomic nervous system. We often think of this state in terms of fight or flight, however, it is not that simplistic. It is truly any significant response to the outside environment that leads to a neuroceptive reaction that is not governed by the neocortex, top down. If we don’t distinguish the source, our interventions are guesswork at best and often counterproductive at worst.

She illustrates this through a case, a child whose impulsive, disruptive behaviors were treated as failures of will or desire. School teachers and teams repeatedly urged him to “use his words,” as though language were a faucet he simply refused to turn on. What no one stopped to ask was the foundational question: Was his nervous system regulated enough to access language at all? Was he gated at the level of the amygdala blocking the ability to use his mind consciously and even have the opportunity to respond to a meaningful request? Is he capable of the ask, not in terms of willingness, but in terms of physiological access to the skill itself?
….. and more

Enjoy,
Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #102: Jeremy Goldberg – Life Begins


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This weeks Guest is Dr. Jeremy Goldberg. He styles himself as a compassion cultivating day making change agent/empathy collecting not quitting word wizard/chief burrito appreciator aspiring to inspire/struggle overcoming ranter in charge/ferocious idealist/never giver upper/a love bombing kindness pirate. What he really does, in my mind, is write and teach the world to project love and kindness where it is not layered enough. On his website he writes: My mission is to make kindness cool, empathy popular, and compassion commonplace. As part of that purpose, I write articles, send emails, host retreats and workshops, give TEDx talks, coach clients, host a podcast, write books, and make spoken word poetry videos. My name is Jeremy, I founded Long Distance Love Bombs, and I am fucking stoked to meet you. Send me an email and let’s get going: LongDistanceLoveBombs at gmail dot com. We breakdown words, relationship, connection and being happy in a world of silly tribal divisiveness!

In this conversation we discuss his experience as a new father and the initiation of fatherhood. “I have been wiped out and annihilated by parenting and the initiation of fatherhood. Hands down, brutally, face dragged along the hot coals of the initiation….” There are so many real, honest, open truths dropped along the winding road of this discussion. If you are young and ready to understand the world of fatherhood, this is a conversation for you!

Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #98 William Parker, PhD – Acetaminophen and Autism – What Do We Know in 2025?

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Welcome to Dr. M’s Women & Children First Podcast, where we engage with pioneering voices at the intersection of science, healthcare, and the well-being of families.

Today, I’m honored to introduce Dr. William Parker, PhD. Dr. Parker is perhaps best known for discovering the function of the human appendix, but his contributions to science extend far beyond that single discovery. He studied biology and chemistry as an undergraduate before earning his PhD in Chemistry from the University of Nebraska–Lincoln in 1992. Since the 1980s, he has conducted innovative research, publishing more than 150 peer-reviewed articles that span immune function, microbiome science, and human health.

Dr. Parker was the first to compare immune systems in wild animals with those of their laboratory counterparts, and among the first to conclude that changes in the human “biota”, the symbiotic organisms living within us, brought on by modern society can contribute to depression and anxiety. After nearly three decades at Duke University, where he served as associate professor and research leader, he founded WPLab, Inc., a nonprofit dedicated to understanding and educating about the causes of chronic inflammatory diseases in high-income societies.

Currently a visiting scholar at the University of North Carolina, Dr. Parker collaborates widely with colleagues from Duke University, University of Montreal, Czech Academy of Sciences, University of Groningen, University of Colorado Boulder, and scientists across the pharmaceutical industry.

In recent years, he has turned his attention to a provocative and urgent question: the potential links between early acetaminophen exposure and autism spectrum outcomes. His current work combines mechanistic and epidemiologic approaches to explore how acetaminophen’s effects on human physiology at critical stages of development might influence neurodevelopment.

In our conversation, we’ll explore:

  • The evidence and hypotheses behind acetaminophen’s potential role in autism risk
  • What families and clinicians should know: what’s plausible, what remains speculative, and where research is heading next

I’m thrilled to share this episode with Dr. Parker, whose intellectual curiosity, scientific rigor, and courage to ask difficult questions embody the spirit of this show.

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Audiocast Volume 14 Issue 43

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Finding a relational balance with any person or persons can be a struggle if one side of the relationship dyad has a strong need for a gain to feel safe or whole. For example, a parent in a poor quality marriage or with significant childhood wounding may turn to the child for happiness and love when it is missing otherwise. A child in turn being young will often, out of filial love, try to meet the needs of the parent. These types of relationships can take on many forms and can become dysfunctional over time.

I remember a parent child dyad from many years ago that was a budding enmeshed/codependent relationship between a mother and her son. Mom was absolutely unable to draw boundaries with her son as she felt all of his pain and reflected all of her childhood trauma onto the child’s life with boundary-less smothering love and control. She simultaneously would restrict any behavior that she perceived as unsafe controlling his environment while drawing zero boundaries with regard to his behavior toward her and others within this controlled small world. He was a holy terror by 4 years of age. His mother was crying for help while being indignant that he was sweet and well meaning while she enabled every choice that he made. Her fear of drawing boundaries because of her own childhood restrictive parenting wounding left this child completely attached to her yet abusive because he felt completely out of control. The psychological pathology was exhausting for all in the room. Recommendations for therapy and interventions were met with scorn….plus a literature review.

Enjoy,

Dr. M

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #78 – Elisa Song MD – Healthy Kids Happy Kids

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This week I sit down with Dr. Elisa Song to discuss her new book, Healthy Kids, Happy Kids. Dr. Song is a graduate of Stanford University with a degree in political Science. She then attended New York University for her medical degree and finally a stop at the University of California San Francisco for pediatric residency training. In her own words, Dr. Song is a holistic pediatrician. She founded Whole Family Wellness, an integrative pediatric practice in Belmont, CA – one of the first and most highly regarded holistic pediatric practices in the country. She created Healthy Kids Happy Kids – dedicated to empowering parents to take charge of their kids’ health … naturally! She lectures around the world for the Center for Education and Development in Clinical Homeopathy (CEDH), Academy for Pain Research, Institute for Functional Medicine, and Holistic Pediatric Association, A4M among others. In this interview we look at health through a prevention first lens with a deep look at the intestinal microbiome and nutrition. Dr. Song’s immense fund of knowledge is on full display in her book and this interview.

Please enjoy my conversation with Dr. Elisa Song,

Dr. M

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