Tag Archives: Adult Chair

Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast #115: Michelle Chalfant – The Adult Chair


Welcome back to Dr. M’s Women and Children First Podcast, where we explore the science, stories, and strategies that help children thrive and families flourish.

Today, we’re diving into something that affects every parent, every marriage, every friendship, and really every human being: our emotional triggers. Why do seemingly small moments sometimes provoke such big reactions? Why do we repeat the same patterns even when we know better? And perhaps most importantly, how do we become the kind of adults who respond with wisdom instead of reacting from old wounds?

To help us answer those questions, I’m thrilled to welcome Michelle Chalfant. Michelle is a licensed therapist, holistic life coach, creator of The Adult Chair® model, and author of the bestselling book The Adult Chair. Her work has helped hundreds of thousands of people understand how childhood experiences shape adult relationships and how emotional healing doesn’t require becoming someone new—it requires reconnecting with the healthiest version of ourselves.

As a pediatrician, I spend my days thinking about children’s physical health, but I’ve become increasingly convinced that emotional health deserves equal attention. The way parents regulate their own emotions becomes the blueprint for how their children learn to navigate disappointment, conflict, fear, and joy. In many ways, raising emotionally healthy children begins with becoming emotionally healthy adults.

Whether you’re a parent trying to break generational patterns, someone hoping to improve your relationships, or simply curious about why certain situations seem to push your buttons, I think you’re going to find today’s conversation both practical and deeply hopeful.

Dr. M

Dr. M’s SPA Newsletter Volume 16 Issue 14 – The Adult Chair


The Adult Chair, the Adolescent Chair and the Child’s Chair

The Adult Chair by Michelle Chalfant is a practical framework for emotional maturity, self-awareness, and healing old patterns that unconsciously drive adult behavior. The central premise is that most people move through life reacting not from their grounded adult self, but from unresolved emotional states formed during childhood and adolescence. She organizes this idea into what she calls the “three chairs”: the Child Chair, the Adolescent Chair, and the Adult Chair.

The Child Chair represents the emotional self formed in early childhood. This is the place of vulnerability, fear, shame, abandonment, loneliness, and unmet needs. When people react from this chair, they often feel helpless, emotionally flooded, overly dependent on validation, or afraid of rejection. Many adult relationship conflicts, according to Chalfant, are actually wounded children (in adult bodies) interacting with each other while wearing grown-up clothing and carrying iPhones. Same child like nervous system. Better accessories. Think of the statement: lipstick on a pig, you cannot dress up dysfunction and make it disappear.

The Adolescent Chair reflects the defensive coping strategies people develop to protect the wounded child. This includes control, perfectionism, blame, avoidance, rebellion, people-pleasing, passive aggression, and emotional shutdown. The adolescent self seeks power and protection but often creates disconnection and conflict. Chalfant argues that many high-achieving adults unknowingly operate from this chair, appearing successful externally while internally driven by fear, insecurity, or the need for approval.

The Adult Chair is the goal….

Enjoy,
Dr. M