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Chapter 4 of Beyond Behaviors is often read as a continuation of the neuroscience laid out in the first three chapters. That’s understandable, but it slightly misses the point. By the time Dr. Delahooke gets to Chapter 4, she’s largely done making the physiological argument. She now pivots to a far more practical and, frankly, more uncomfortable question: What does this mean we actually do as caregivers?
This chapter is less about how the nervous system works and more about how we work, how we observe, interpret, and respond to children in real time. It’s a chapter about attunement, not theory. About shifting from reflexive reactions to intentional caregiving. About learning to read the child in front of you, not the rulebook in your head.
The first major move of Chapter 4 is the insistence on personalized attunement, ditching the plural child. Or better yet, focused on the N of 1 child. There is no “average child” in her framework. There is only this child, with this nervous system, in this moment, in this space and time. How beautiful! Integrative Functional Medicine’s credo, treat the whole person as you find them and as they are biologically.
Attunement here is not sentimentality. It’s data gathering. Dr. Delahooke asks caregivers to become skilled observers of patterns rather than judges of behavior. What time of day does dysregulation tend to show up? After which transitions? After eating? After playing video games? In which environments? With which sensory demands? With which people? It is sleuthing the underwater potion of the iceberg of behavior.
Importantly, she pushes caregivers to stop assuming intent. The question is not “Why is my child doing this to me?” but “What is my child’s nervous system experiencing right now?” That single frame shift collapses an enormous amount of unnecessary conflict. It moves the adult from adversary to ally. It walks away from shame and blame towards love and support…..
Enjoy,
Dr. M